time keeps on slippin slippin slippin... into the future

 so i have lost track of time in an absurd way.

i had always updated this blog every two weeks or so. but it been QUITE a hot minute now

i haven't been in the best of mental health and that is probably why.

a lot of my plans for 2024 got nipped in the bud, as they say.

Beau is still here and he is my little baby boy. He is curled up next to me right now.

Lilly has become distant but sometimes she puts her foot down and demands mom time

I am still playing in the community band for now but will be taking off the next concert set because i need to get dental work done and i dont know how long it will take for me to recover.

there is a slight chance i might not be able to play clarinet anymore after this happens and it has thrown my mental health into the GUTTER.

I had hoped to drive to alabama this spring and see my family but i can't get my car fixed and everytime we have money something comes up.

that's life though.

my mom finally sold nana and pawpaw's house.... i am very sad about it but it is a great house and needed to be lived in. and in such a small town-- the person who bought is was a classmate of dad's and ALSO one of my old friend's dads. Leslie and I were besties when i worked at shop and save and she said she walked through the house and was flooded with memories of our friendship and that the bedroom i stayed in is being done for his kids when they visit. 

literally couldn't ask for a better ending than that, you guys!

i'm gonna photo dump here for a bit.

we took beau to the groomer and he got his hair did. he looks like such a cutie pie with his short hair.

he looks SPUNKY!

pic showing how long my hair is now!!!! i hate my face so i scribbled it out.

i reworked my memorial in animal crossing for mawmaw, nana, and pawpaw. it looks much better now, in my opinion

my band mate Kathy gave me this pop up card for my birthday and i thought it was just the neatest thing. it's in my journal along with my card from Melanie and the one fro my mom and dad

HAPPY NEW YEAR

 it's quite a bit late but i have an update 

I have joined the community band once again and I am very happy. i am sad i missed out on the christmas music because of my travel plans

the music this time is easier and we are playing something by Robert W. Smith who passed away this last fall.....

who was a huuuuuge deal in the south and especially at Troy university (where I attended school for two years before my mental health got too bad) I had asked the community band director if we could play something of his to honor him and now we are actually doing it and I am so very happy!

Beau had been a blessing all these weeks, months. he has kept me going when nothing else could.

I finally told my doctor about the coffee ground stool i have been having and it had pushed up a test that i've needed to get done for two years now but i just wouldn't let my husband allocate those funds to my health and..we seem to have met at a point where.... it needs to be done and we will find a way with a payment plan

so that is happening on feb 9

i see my therapist for the last time on thursday. she is leaving MindPsi and will no longer be doing therapy with them after that. it's a mostly just.... tie up loose ends and what not.

the biggest thing is on FRIDAY I am getting my hair cut for the first time in two years.

i have talked to the lady on fb messenger and we seem to get along so i just hope i can get my hair trimmed and taken care of

and now for some photos:::

here's some photos of the boy!

he's a blessing!!!

happy holidays!

 it's taken me quite a bit of time to get around to making a blog post. 

this has been the biggest, most busy holiday season i have ever experienced.

i have so many christmas gatherings. soooo many.

well, i'm lumping thanksgiving in there because its all so close together.

we went to alabama to see my family and stayed with my parents. our family gathering was small because people were sick and also my cousin had just had a baby and couldn't be there. not seeing my cousin really put a downer on things but i got to see my other cousins and trade pokemon with one of my best friends and super smash brothers with my cousin's little boy. we took beau and everyone loved him so much.

we have a little nighttime christmas present swap with my parents. and i am so happy. they got me a sewing machine so i can make stuff now. i haven't opened it because i haven't had a day of down time. not even today.

the sunday we were in alabama i got to see the little girl i had baby sat years ago and her parents and her younger sister who was an infant last time i saw her.

on the way back i managed to hurt my arm somehow and i dont know how-- which is why today i didn't get to rest i went to the doctor because it never stops hurting.

on the 23 we went to fatherinlaws house for their family christmas gathering and i was in a dark place and didn't really enjoy it. we left beau at home so we could actually enjoy the people that were there and that was nice.

on christmas day stan and i opened our stockings and gave beau his gifts. then we went and had lunch with his mother and grandmother.

after that we went to see his cousin and his cousin's partner which was nice because we hadn't seen them in months.

my husband went to the movies with a friend and they slept over at the apartment and we had some chill time. but my arm and sensory overload gave me a hard time and it ended up not being as much fun for me as i had hoped.

and that leaves us with today. i went to the urgent care for my arm, we got chinese and watched a movie. i took the pills they gave me for my arm pain and dozed off the whole afternoon.

i'm going to post a bunch of photos. some of them might be duplicates.

here are some other photos with descriptions:::::

the top two shelves of my curio cabinet with my new cat figurines,

here is the top of the cabinet and the little heart shelf, again rearranged with my new cats

my travelers notebook un boxing!!!!

this is the gift pile we took to my father in laws.

this is beau on christmas morning with one of his new toys.

my junky travelers note book. it looks different now i've re arranged it again

my stocking

one of the shirts my husband got me!!!

the sewing machine my mom and dad got me!!!

almost home from Alabama!

We are mere minutes from being home.

I will update about my Alabama Christmas trip in full later. Tennessee on the way back was a nightmare. Traffic and road construction and windy. 

Right now I Just want to post a picture or two.

That's all for now. I need to save the rest for the real update.

this December

This December I am going to focus on myself and my health. As much as I can. 

I have Beau to take care of and the house work. And my husband of course.

I have been decorator Christmas but I haven't done the tree or the lights outside yet. I'm waiting for December first.

My PTSD has been bothering me a lot here lately and it's affecting my relationship with my husband. I don't know what to do about it. My therapist wanted me to do a trauma narrative and I just don't even see how that would help at all. Reliving it in detail. Saying it all out loud. I just don't see how that will make my hyper viligance any less acute.

Beau is keeping my grounded in reality because I need to keep an eye on him all the time.

Lilly doesn't spend much time with me anymore and it breaks my heart. She is very mean to Beau and that is making me sad too.

My health is not much better. If I have any energy at all it's because I'm eating vitamin c drops like candy. That helps the iron be absorbed. I am still just playing a waiting game on my health. 

Next year I plan to do art festivals and I need to make stuff to sell. The sooner the better. I need a sewing machine badly. I hope I have the skills I think I do. I remember using one and being ok with it. So I hope I can do what I plan to do. My Pinterest is full of ideas.

Here are some pics

I haven't been blogging very much lately

I have previously waited and gotten my laptop out to make blog post but it think this will be easier don't on a cell phone.

We took Beau to Stan's dad's for Thanksgiving and he did ok. It was his first gathering and he got so excited that he couldn't just..... He wanted to meet all the people. And the people where busy doing thanksgiving. He ended up in his kennel or in a room barred of with a baby gate  bless his heart. He did a good job. He was a good boy.

He didn't do anything wrong. He was just a good boy. Such a good boy.

Tomorrow we are taking him to Stan's, moms she want to eat out and we will be leaving Beau at her apartment  alone with her dog Little Bear so they can meet and hopefully things will go well. He wore his cute new jacket and a bandana.

He looks wery handsome.

 

Here is me and Beau

We had a good time at Thanksgiving with Stan's dad and Sandy.  I got to meet people I that I had never met before  I had a lot in common with Sandy's sister she and I might talk more in the future. I don't know though it's a sensitive topic and it might be best to just let that go.

Since we are seeing Stan's mom tomorrow I  baked brownies for her. She loves my Brownies.  so I have made some for her.

 And she wants to have Chinese for lunch on that day. We will be picking his grandma on the way.to see his mother 

Just another picture. Little blurry lol

I'm still alive!

 I am trudging along.

Beau is a good dog and I am so happy we were lucky enough to find him and make him our little one.

Lilly is not taking to it very well. I think she is more grumpy now than she was when we first got him. I'm not really sure what to do. I think she needs more space where he can't get to her but that would involve her going into the spare bedroom which... will be occupied soon I think so that isn't really an option.

We were going to take Beau to a fall festival today but we gave him a bath and flea treatment and I didn't even think about the fact that the flea treatment would be on his furr so... the kiddos at the festival would get the chemicals on them and.... well that was just not a good idea obviously.

I am 80% done with Marc Whitt's book "When In Doubt, Make Applesauce!" and it's supposed to be for PR professionals but it's really just a good book fully of good character building ideas and morals. Which, I would expect no less from Marc. I am enjoying reading it far more than I expected. I don't think he planned on me reading it and enjoying it either. He should write motivational books, he has a knack for it.

On tuesday I finally see the Hematologist. I am anxious to get my iron levels back up and see if I can feel like a real person again. I have my medicine list and I'm taking my medicine with me.

Speaking of medicine, my doctor hasn't called in my trazadone prescription despite me submitting my refill request so I don't even have my trazadone which is for my sleep and depression. I am really pissed off but I can't really do anything about it. I sent a message to them about it but it's the weekend and my doctor doesn't work on Monday so it will be atleast tuesday before anything even gets done.

Also the pharmacy cannot get my ativan because there is a medicine shortage and so i have very little ativan. I could call other pharmacies but it's complicated. I might end up doing it but I'd rather not. It's been over half a month. Well they ran out almost a month ago after they filled half a month for me but that was the last of what they had.

I should be asleep right now but hahaha fat chance.

It's 4:30 am now so i don't even think I will sleep at all.

Here are some photos